EXCERPTS FROM PEPPER'S E-MAILS

8/23 I do know that this so called internet is where you can meet alot of strange people but then I also think that their are a few out there that somehow God seems to connect them. And yes, you my friend are one of the ones that God has sent my way! 8/24 Bill I would like for you to know that I showed Mike(my boyfriend) your letters that you have sent me. Yes he's a big guy..6'6" 245 lb's and loves his motorcycle. I guess you could call him a biker. But let me tell you one thing, as he sat and read those letters tears came streaming down his face. Then he turned and looked at me and said; Thats one hell of a nice person and consider yourself lucky tohave met someone on line with that much love and understanding. And yes he is so very right! 8/29 Bill, you have no idea how much you have touched my heart. I think you have enough love in you for the whole internet!! But I do believe with all my heart that God some how connected us. I hope that bond never breaks.....never! 8/31 Don't ever let me hear you say that you feel so helpless laying in bed not being able to help me. You have done more for me than anyone else that I have ever met on line. Please believe what I say, even if I have a hard time putting it into words. You have touched my life beyond anything that I could have ever imagined. And yes I do believe in Angels in heaven and on this earth. You are my Angel on earth!! And yes you were sent to me by God. Bill, don't ever leave me...........ok? You have changed my life! For the better of course. And one day I hope that my wish will come true. That wish is, that I will be able to meet you and all your family one day. After all, you don't live that far away. Anything is possible....if we just believe! 9/1 Maybe I'm not able to write or phrase things the way I want to, but what I say, comes right from my heart. You have been able to reach out to me like no other person I've ever met on the web. Yes, I do have many friends, but none like you. 9/4 I just want to let you know that every letter you send me.. I save. When ever I'm feeling the leastbitdown, I just click on your letters and get that feeling of knowing that there is someone as specialas you, looking out for me. Bill, you have no idea how much that means to me. I sometimes think that you are better for me than my own med's. and Dr's put together. 9/4 There is not a day that goes by that you aren't on my mind. It's like you are in my thoughts through out the day. As far as the angel picture that I have on my email...it was picked out because of you!! And yes I would love to see it on OUR homepage. Oh and I just loved the extra little angle you put on the page. 9/10 What in the world will I do if something were to happen to you?? Why must I have to deal with losing someone who I have never met but feel closer to than anyone in real life? The pain it gives me is much worse than any pain that I have to put up with from my illness. Damn that "Monster"!! It's not fair! Why you?? Why not someuseless slime ball? Why must my angel leave me?? You said it so well in your last letter. The love that we have for each other is meant just like God wanted it to be. There is a bond there that no one can break. 9/11 Bill, when I applied for this award I did explain how "Pepper's Jukebox" came about. Yes, I gave you all the credit. I told her that it was our magic place, a place that was made out of kindness and love from you. A place where we could go and take all our fears and pain, setback, relax and let the magic kick in. 9/12 I had told you before how proud I am of that homepage and that I would shout it to the whole internet...hehehe. Well I'm doing a good job of it! 9/13 Help get me off this cloud.........oh I just love it! Your voice is really that of a "Angel"..my "Angel". Yes it's all still here, the wonderful feelings and more. I knew you would be every thing I dreamed of. Also it helps so much to know that you have such a wonderful wife who loves and takes care of you so very well. What a true sweetheart she is. I really enjoyed speaking with her. 9/13 Once again.....please, please don't be worried, as old Pep still has some pep still in me, now that I have found you, my love. 9/13 I'll tell you what......why don't you just write Tianar(rose), Lucky555 (Sharon), RoboMom (Jean), and Free-Agent (richie) and ask them how much I talk about you and how much you have changed my life....please go ahead!!! 9/13 Now I'm so scared that what you felt for me has all gone. The thought of that makes me sick. Bill no matter what you say to me....I will always love you and you know that. 9/13 I could not stand to lose one precious thing that we have in our relationship. Yes, like I've said so many times before, I have been blessed with alot of nice friends on the web. I get no less than 50 emails a day. But you are not and neverwill be just a web friend. You are my real life....everything!! Please.......I ask of you not to think any less of me. I still think we need to talk again on the phone...just to make sure you understand what happened. The thought of you not feeling the same about me would break my heart. No matter what you may feel, my love for you will only continue to grow stronger!! And that day will come when I can wrap my arms around you.....thats a promise I plan on keeping. 9/16 Bill, I loved the jukebox thing you did and to think that you did it all just for me......oohhhh I just love you so much, but then you already know that...hehehe ........................... Please take care my most precious one. You will never leave my mind , heart or soul! Thats a promise. So face it......I will never let go of you, no matter what. And please don't worry about me as this has happened many times before and I've pulled through just fine. 9/16 I guess what I'm trying to say is that what time I do have, you can bet you will get a letter from me. Not because I feel the need to make you feel better but it's more of a need of mine. Ok, so I'm a bit selfish......I do need you and always will And no, I never thought. what you put in your email about while I was sleeping was in anyway perverted! I though it was so very touching. Never, ever could anthing come from you that I would think was perverted. And yes, like you, I also will always be here for you and I will never leave........never. Face it........you are stuck with Pepper!! 9/16 My life has changed so much for the better since we met. No, maybe my illness cannot be slowed down but all the love, support, enjoyment plus so much more, that you have been able to give me, I would not trade for nothing in this world. You are my pillar of strength!! Your words alone do more for me than you will ever know. Don't dare say you set there and can't do a thing for me. God sent you to me for a reason and I know that if it wasn't for you I would have given up. These are not just some words off the top of my head, they come from deep inside me. Where no one else has been but you. You seem to know me inside and out. Is it because we are both sick?? Why hasn't this happened before with my other friends who are also sick?? I'll tell you why....What we have? IT WAS MEANT TO BE ................... As I've said so many times before......You are stuck with Pep...get use to it, I'm not going any where. Only closer to your heart and soul if thats anymore possible. The next tear that comes from your eyes better be a tear of joy because that is what you have brought into my life. Pure Joy! Now it's time for me to sleep and hope that my "Angel" is in my dream. Just promise...you will never let go of me. I'm scared. Scared to be without you, my love. 9/18 ..................Miss you so much my "Angel". If need I guess I will just have to call you tomorrow. hehehe Love You So Very Much, 9/18 Danielle was so glad she made the phone call to you. She just couldn't help but fall in love with that sweet voice of yours. Bill, you have a way about you, that I don't even think you are aware of. Now Danielle is talking about how she can get me in the car and up to your house. She says that it is something that just has to be done!! We were meant to meet each other.....here, now, on this earth. And as long as I can breath, then yes by all means I will make that trip. Then my life will be complete. I lay here in this bed thinking about you. I wonder what you are doing, what you are eating, are you in pain, what are you thinking. You just seem to be on my mind all the time!! I can't help it....I love you so very much. I long to pick up the phone just to hear you say my name. No, I'm not some obsessed freak. Just someone who has meet the person that God had planned for. 9/20 Soon as I got on line and I went to "Peppers Jukebox". I then clicked on to the "P", need I say what happened after that?? Tears began to flow. The first one I clicked on to was "I Will Always Love You" (I'm Here). If only you could see just what your words do and mean to me. They are all so beautiful. It's a place that I can go but no one else. 9/21 I enjoy your sweet little notes to me. It really makes me feel good. Ditto at you! I love you just as much if not more. I love you around the world and back.....now thats alot of love. hehehe
MY 9/22 E-MAIL TO PEPPER Dear Pepper Please buckle up your seat belt and read this e-mail carefully. It is most important to me that you fully understand what has been going on with reference to my rather zealous outpourings of love for you. There is nothing that I have said or done for me to be ashamed about. What I have said to you is as pure as the driven snow. I have been concerned for a while, because some of the language has sounded like that of a man romancing a woman, although I have said, in at least one post words to the effect that our relatonship was not of that variety, I feel, from subtle little things, that you are "distancing" yourself a bit from me. Perhaps you have felt that my declarations of love seem to be leaning toward romance. In a small way that may be true, as we shall see. It came to me, tonight, as I lay here wondering why you didn't call, as you said you would when you shortened our phone conversation Sunday. It suddenly dawned on me that you may be reacting somewhat negatively to my repeatedly pressing "love" at you. In any event, the record needs to be set straight. I do love you, Pepper, and it's as real and powerful as ever blossomed in the heart of any man. But, Pepper, it's the love that a father would, should, feel for his daughter. It's not the transcending love of a suitor for his lady fair. The love I feel for you I would bestow on my daughter, if I had one. You, in your health situation, became the daughter I wanted and never had. You needed love, care, affection, and support, and I had a ton of it to give. That is why we were "connected". We needed each other. I have gone over all I have written and put together for you. There isn't a word of it that I would change, save the shamefully stupid e-mail charging you with sliighting me. It was all written/said with the best of intentions. It is my ferverant prayer that this information will only serve to bring us closer together, Pepper. I shall be broken hearted, if it has the opposite effect. However, come what may, it had to be said. I'm dying on the vine in consideration that my entreaties could be having the opposite effect from what I intended. Well, Pep, I hope you didn't fall out of your chair. Can you forgive me for not seeing this more clearly right from the beginning of our relationship? We need to have a phone conversation about this. I'm available, at your conenience. Tell me when, and I'll call you. Sleep well, Pepper, Dear. I love you as if you were my own.
9/22 Bill, I read your letter very carefully. If anyone is guilty of saying or giveing you the wrong impression with words, it's me. But also like you, I never meant it in the wrong kind of way. My reasons are the very same as yours except the roles have been turned around. I look at you as being a father. Yes, I once had my Dad and we did always talk like that with each other. It was not at all strange for me to set in his lap and hug and love him, even in my later years we contiuned our relationship like a daughter and father should have but it was always so very special to me. ..............(about her dad)............ That is killing me quicker than any illness. The mental hurt and heartbreak is to much to handle. How I long to wrap my arms around him and set in his lap again and pretend to be his little girl. But no, the only thing I now get from him is cold green money. He can keep all his money, I need his love. I can't even go on about this as it is causing me to get to upset. So you see Bill, I have taken you on as a father figure. I'm getting closer and closer to you with each passing day and I must admit, it scares the hell out of me. I've already lost my Dad........ can I risk losing you?? I sometimes wished that we had never spoken on the phone. It only drew me that much closer to you. Now I have to set back and watch some damn "MONSTER" destroy one of the most precious people to me. I can deal with real physcial pain better than I can with hurt that comes from the heart.
MY RESPONSE TO PEPPER'S E-MAIL 9/22 I have been awake most of the night. I dozed off a short while during the time you sent your e-mail. The letter I sent scared me, but I felt it had to be written. Your return e-mail just melts me in a puddle. I've just been given the "Happy Guy" award for the year. It pleases me to the point my heart could burst, learning that you could even consider me in a father role. Our ages are right. I'll be 66 in just 6 days. That makes me in the neighborhood of a little over 20 years older than you. I'd have been a good father to you, Pepper. You'd be walking around freshly hugged every day. The words of SUO GAN, as changed by me, reflect a father's desire to love and protect a child from all adversity. MY HEART says what a father would do for a beloved daughter - give her his heart, to hold on to and keep forever.   In I'M HERE, I'm giving you a father's assurance that he will always be there for her. That he would be there waiting for her to join him across the void, however long it took. I wanted you to have these in a special place, where you could "go" and bask in the warm, protective verbal embrace of a father who loves his daughter more than life, itself. That was the avdent of PEPPER'S JUKEBOX, culminating in the personalized PEPPER'S PRIVATE WINDOW. These were gifts a father would bestow on his life of life, his living heart, his daughter. Pepper, don't let our illness hide the light of the candle hat has been brought to flame. Remember the theme of PEPPER'S JUKEBOX, "today is the most important day of our lives". If you feel joy in our relationship, as I do, then revel in it. Enjoy it to the maximum, every day, for that day. None of us have a guarantee on life. There are millions of seemingly healthy people who will die before we do. Don't die a thousand deaths by fearing to live. Join me, Pepper, in getting the most we can out of every day. I want so much to share life with you, to work on that web HP, to laugh and cry together over the phone on a regular, often basis., to share secrets, to exchange love words, to live. When death comes, as surely it will, we can have had the time of our life for whatever time is given us. How much sweeter it will be for the survivor to have precious memories of joy to help temper the sting of sadness. I'm offering life, Pepper, reach out, grab it and hang on tightly. Just look at my dumb cow!!!!! And push the button, Pepper. Hear the cow say "I'm Here!".
MY LATER THAT DAY RESPONSE 9/22 NO, you did not say anything that was misleading. There is no blame, here. Please stop persecuting yourself. My concern was about MY pressing so hard on you. I want to have kown you forever by the end of next week. I'm in a hurry, because this ALS keeps moving along. I don't want to scare you. I just want you to get off your butt and do some living and loving with me. You said: "it scares the hell out of me. I've already lost my Dad........ can I risk losing you??" Sweetheart, face it! I'm goiing to be taken, unwillingly. I'll never leave you. Leaving is an active verb, and I' m not going on my own! But lose me, no, Pepper. Come on and live with me. You won't lose me. You'll keep me in your heart. Let's make them pleasant memories. Every day that goes by with you "in hiding". is a day of joy lost forever. As Jack Nicholson said in a recent movie, "There aren't that many shopping days 'til Christmas". Let's not waste them.
THE COOLING OFF PERIOD COMMENCES 9/23 PLEASE, my friend, be patient with me. Just because you don't hear from me alot doesn't mean that you are not in my heart and prayers everyday. EVERY HOUR! EVERY MINUTE! EVERY SECOND! 9/26 Guess ya might say that old Pep has really Pepped Up! LMAO I decided that I could no longer take the pain so I went ahead and started on my new meds late yesterday. Damn...why did I wait so long?? I feel sooooo good! I feel alive! I feel happy! I want to live! Yes I do know that all this I'm feeling is coming from all the meds but at this point.......so what! I even stay awake for longer periods and can seem to type with out feeling the pain in my fingers. Shit!....I feel like I'm doing a hit of speed or something...hehehe
MY 9/26 E-MAIL TO PEPPER I've been laying here thinking about your last e-mail, in which you indicate the return of the real Pepper from the land of the lost. Such a nixture of happiness and saddness runs through my mind. I'll try to explain. I feel so happy for you, Pepper, that you are free of pain. The pain made you a prisoner, separated from life by blinding torment, both physical and mental. You were chained, by pain, and cast into a well of fear, doubt, and self pity. Your mind played tricks on you, and you grasped at any sttraws that offered any relief, no matter how small or fleeting. This is where I came in. I brought a fresh breeze of escape from your prison. My attections and the things I did for you on the internet provided a little respite from your ordeal. In your need to escape the cruel master that pain had become, you visualized a relationship with me, spurred on by my messages of love and affection, and by the material manifestation of my feelings by virtue of the creation of PEPPER'S JUKEBOX. The saddness I feel is that the relationship I envisioned did not materialize, because of the burden of your pain, and now will not prosper, because of the return of the "old" Pepper. How desperately I wanted to be something special in your life. I felt such joy in being the doting father figure who dearly loves his wounded daughter. In the torment of your agony, you echoed those feelings, yet they never came into being. The relationship remained pretty much one sided, I begged you to join in, your pain and despair prevented it. I'm just a silly old man, who is a romantacist at heart. I'm in the final stages of my life, and the opportunity to have a "real" father/daughter love affair brightened my life beyond your imagination. I reveled in the prospect of exchanging little love messagges, as any caring father and daughter might do, and in sharing the joy of building a web page together, perhaps the only tangible thing we could do together. But, in your anguish, you couldn't find the door to open out into that world. The saddness I feel is that there is no longer an opportunity for that world to exist. You are now free of the chains of pain, free to rejoin life as you knew it before I came along. I feel that I will now slip back into being "E Pluribus Unum", one of the many, another of your many friends, with no special distinction. The thought breaks my heart, Pepper. I wanted so much to have this rich, happier than happy closeness with you. But I feel it slipping away. Your posts seem almost sterile, devoid of the type of exchange that would occur between father and daughter. They are more like an exchange between friends, just friends. This is what makes me sad, Pepper. My heart is bursting. I love you dearly, Pepper, and that won't change. I'll always be there for you, and that won't change. I need you in my life, and that won't change. As I told you, you are the keeper of my heart, whether you want it or not. I pray that your freedom from pain continues, without end. I wish you the best in your new found freedom. I'll be here, Pepper, if you should need me for any reason, you know how to find me.
9/27 And don't ever let me here you say that I would no longer need you! Hell I'm so determined now to build a HP that I will need you, more than you are going to want to hear from me!! 9/27 Ok sweetie, biker mom is off and running..hehehehe I will try and get back later. If I don't pass out after the ride and end up sleeping for the rest of the evening. 9/29 This is just a quick note to let you know that what is going on between us has nothing to do with anything YOU have said or done. Hon, it's me. I'm the one with the problem. Just hold on for a couple of hours and I should be able to get a letter out to you explaining everything. My web has been driving me crazy and it seem's to have a mind of it's own and does what ever it wants. As far as us talking on the phone my "Sarcoid Case Worker" (psychologists) who comes in to see me once a week thinks that our relationship on the phone and on the web is causing me way to much stress. With out fail I have had a grand mal seziure each time I spoke with you and also after a few of your letters. I will go into it more in my next letter out to you. But YOU must remember...this is not your FAULT!! It's just that I have a illness that is so much different than yours and I can't let certain things get to me or I will DIE. I don't even think what I try and tell you in a letter, that you will understand where I'm coming from, but I will try my hardest. 9/29 I give up! It is not going to matter what I say. You are going to see it only one way and thats your way. When I got this web for Christmas, it was to be used for enjoyment. Which is what I had been getting out of it. Yes my first stop was at the Friends-w-Disability Chat Room. And yes there, I did meet alot of very sick people who liked to gather there and forget all their health problems. The Web, the only place I know to go and forget it all!! Most all of us in the FWD room try not and get to wrapped up in our daily problems because so many are so very ill. And yes I have lost two friends in that room because of a illness. And one of them only lived 9 miles away from me. Did I ever meet her in person? NO. Did I ever talk to her on the phone? YES But not once did we really talk about our health. So when she did pass away it was alot more easy for me to take, than having to have known her on a personal level. You were the only person who I let get close to me and yes that was a very big mistake. As now, I have been left with trying to explain to a friend just what is wrong with me as she really never knew how sick I was. Not that I'm ashamed of it but because I don't like to hurt people by telling them that I have a termainal illness. Why the need to hurt them?? It's not like they can do anything to make me better. It all comes back to being on the web to find a place where I can find happiness and leave my illness out of it. Peppers Jukebox is a very beautiful place. I love it. But do you know what that room really means to me?? It's a place where I go to prepare my death. Every song that I gave you has a meaning behind it. Each one is to do with the death of someone I loved and lost. I never gave it much thought until my therapist started looking at it very close. And also your letters set off a red flag of sadness. A sadness of two people who are dying and trying to find comfort from one another. This should only be shared with family memebrs only or the ones we love and KNOW. Now Bill, you try and give me a heavy guilt trip, and that is wrong! I still want to continue our friendship but just not the deep side of it all. I want to have fun!! I want to laugh! I will have lot's of time later for 'Angels" but right now I'm alive and thats where I want to be. I have to be, for me, my daughter and Mike. I don't even share my illness with anyone else in my whole family except those two. The rest of them.....I make stay out of it. Ok I did my best at trying to tell you so it's your choice on what you want to do. And yes Bill you will always be special to me, even though you aren't going to see it that away. 10/10 It was nice to see a letter from you. Quite a few times I typed you one out but hit erase before I would send it out. As I have said many times before you and Yvonne mean the world to me. Please be sure to tell her "hi" also. I hope that your illness has not been to awful hard on you? I take it, that you are still able to type?? As for me...HA! It's one big joke! Everything happened just like I told you on the phone. Yep, they upped my pain med's to the point that I was on a cloud all the time.... .......I have been sick since my mid 20's and now I'm 45, it not time to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I had no right telling you this but you really are the only one who I have ever let get close enough to me about my medical problems, so I just found it natural to let you know. 10/10 Do you have any idea how much better I feel, after getting your letter?? Lot's :-)) When I wrote you that letter back, at fist I wasn't going to say one thing about my health. I was going to pretend all was fine. But I somehow new that you could pick up on when I was being truthful or not. I have never lied to you in the past......ahhhh maybe went about something in around about way but it was only to keep from hurting you. Bill, I have told you so many times how I wanted us to stay close friends but the only way possible was for me to stay calm through the whole thing..........which I just couldn't do! So the only way I could come up with doing this was through the help of my theripist. She was the one who suggested we not get so involved with each others personal life as it would be sure to bring us both lot's of pain. And with me having all the medical problems (such as heart & seziures) it just caused me to stay sick alot. I just hope that one day you will understand all this. But yes, it will be nice to hear from you and just maybe you still would like to offer your help on helping me make a Biker HP. As a matter of fact I have a question to ask you now about getting some graphics off a gif site. I somehow can't find out how to get the addys. If you are up to it and don't mind helping then please let me know and I'll send the info over so you can see how to get the addy's from it. But please be honest and let me know if you would rather not help....ok?? 10/10 Thanks Bill, for your offer but I think my brain is to well fried for all this crap! hehehe Hell, I think I'll go back to playing my Sega games and knock out a few bad guys..LOL But I will keep intouch with you........if thats ok?? 10/11 YIKES! It's me again with more of my stupid questions. If I'm bothering you then please by all means feel free to hit the discard button..lol Needless to say, I was lost at Mad Rabbit's or what ever it's called so I just forgot that one all together. Now on to another stupid question. I want to put some type of frame around this motorcycle gif, maybe like in red and silver but how do I go about getting the sizes that I need?? Also is there anyway of getting rid of the black background around it? Because when I go to use a full black bg it makes the gif one look almost like a darkgreen instead of black. I know it looks black now, but up against a black bg it looks darkgreen¿ Grrrrrrrr I'm just NO good at this stuff! Like I said if I'm past hope please just trash it...ok? 10/12 Please just know this one thing Bill (& Yvonne), I'm really having a hard time staying up and just having any get go in me, but please know that I think of the both of you everyday and will write every chance I can........I PROMISE!! Much Love, Pepper 10/12 OHMYGAWD!! I went back to sleep after the last letter I sent you and I'm just now getting my eyes to open..hehehehe Gosh, I can't believe all the work that you have done for me. I just loved the 'Pepper's Shack gif" But please Bill, I hate to see you waste your PRECIOUS time on me.....cuz I'm not worth it. 10/13 OK....I need some input! LOL What do you feel that I need to do with this sig that I have now. Hummmm I somehow think that the bg doesn't look so well Bill, you are like a box of "Cracker Jacks" always full of a new suprise!! I loved that page you made up (Peppers Shack)........you continue to amaze me!! GUESS WHAT?????????????? YES I DID IT.........I OPENED UP A PAGE AT TRIPOD BUT HAVE NO IDEA ON WHERE TO BEGIN OK so here is the info: Name: pepper_7 Password: odie At least this away if you want me to have any gifs or what not we can just transload them there and it will keep your's from being so cluttered with my junk...hehehe Bill, I really want to work on this page but I'm just having such a hard time trying to stay focused and caught up with it all. But I'm going to give it all I got!!!! It's not that often you can find someone, such as yourself that is willing to give me so much help. And that I thank you for!! More than you will ever know. So how do I start to get things trasnsloaded? Gotta get my gifs there first so I can put them on my page. Ohhhhhhhh Nooooooooooo you might want to back out before it's to late....LOL I'll get back to you in just a bit....need to do a few things. Take Care, Pepper heck I new I forgot something....my "Pepper sig" you made me.......let me go and see if I can get it put in my box. 10/16 From: PEPPERUPPER@webtv.net (Pepper's ~A Classic~) Date: Fri, Oct 16, 1998, 7:54pm To: robomom@webtv.net, tianar@webtv.net, lynhugs@yahoo.com, calibane@webtv.net Subject: Health Update : From Danielle Hello All: This is Danielle, Connie's (Pepper) daughter. First I would like to ask each one of you not to say a word to my Mom about this letter. I don't make it a habit out of hiding things from her but this will have to be one exception. .......................... The whole reason behind this letter is that she stays so upset that she cannot keep up with emailing her friends anymore and she's so afraid that all of you might think that she just dosn't care enough to write. And thats not the case. She thinks the world of you all. And I would like to thank you all for being there for her. If there ever was a fighter my Mom would have to win the title hands down! She has battled this insidious disease for at least the past 18 years. She's not ready to give up yet. Yes, I'm the lucky one, as I've had her for the past 24 years of my life and I know for a fact, they don't make mothers any better than her. BTW I'm using her nic as it was the only way I could find out how she emailed some of you together in a group. Now I must be sneaky and go and discard this sent letter twice. I don't like doing this but I could think of no other way. Please keep her in your prayers and don't mention a word of this to her.....please! If anything worse should come up I will try my best to email all of you. Once again, thanks for bringing so much joy into her heart. P.S. I sure hope I have this group of names correct. If not, I'm sorry I tried my best. God Bless, Danielle
MY RESPONSE TO DANIELLE 10/17 From: calibane@webtv.net Date: Sat, Oct 17, 1998, 2:00am To: pixie23@webv.net Subject: (no subject) Hi, Danielle Thank you for the note. I appreciate you thinking of me. Tell your Mom I said "hello", abd that she is always on my mind and in my thoughts. Tell her that Yvonne and I love her very much, and that she is in our prayers, as are you and Mile. Please keep in touch. With love, Bill
10/17 If I was putting myself down, I didn't even realize it. It just seems like when we did get back intouch with each other and you took and spent all your free time helping me to try and build a HP I just up and dropped off the face of the earth. It just had to look like I was using you. 10/17 Ok so I'm going to bother you again and ask for your help, if you don't mind and only if it's not to hard or alot of work to do it.....ok?? You know the rams that I put in my email sig's, well I know it drives alot of people crazy, so what I would like to do is make up a page like the one that RCOOL sent me (this forward one) and maybe set it up at my Tripod site. Then I can make a little note on my email sig that says something to the fact like: Stop Real Audio...or what ever sounds best. Please Bill, don't feel like you need to help me out.......don't worry, I could never get mad at you for saying NO I don't have time to help you. Hell, you have already given me more help than all the people on the web put together :-))
DANIELLE'S KISS OFF 10/20 From: PEPPERUPPER@webtv.net (Pepper's ~A Classic~) Date: Tue, Oct 20, 1998, 2:31pm To: calibane@webtv.net Subject: Mail Box Change and Notice As of today, I will be taking over "Peppers" mail box and mailing list along with her homepages. Due to the time that I"m able to spend on the web, I can no longer keep up with all her friends, so I have had to narrow it down to a very small group of people. Please, I ask that in the future, you not send anymore mail. Thank you for your coorperation. Thank You, Danielle
MY RESPONSE TO DANIELLE 10/20 From: calibane@webtv.net Date: Tue, Oct 20, 1998, 3:52pm To: PEPPERUPPER@webtv.net (Pepper's ~A Classic~) Subject: Re: Mail Box Change and Notice One last piece of business. Thank you for the cold, impersonal dear john e-mail. If this was done with Pepper's approval, then it's to my advantage, and good riddance. If not, you should be ashamed. I have probably provided more substantive support and care than most of Pepper's other friends. I desreve better than this.
THE E-MAIL FROM CHRIS 10/21 From: My-Camelot@webtv.net Date: Wed, Oct 21, 1998, 5:17pm (EDT-3) To: calibane@webtv.net Subject: A Note Bill, I believe the time has come when both diplomacy and tact be cast to the side and replaced with, in a word, fact's. To begin, both myself and members of Pepper's family have read, and retained copies of all letters you have sent her. Needless to say we have found far too many of them distasteful and very much out of line. Had the situation been reversed I am sure your wife and other members of your family would be in total agreement with us. Your letters Bill most certainly do not fall into the category of simple friendship. Your intentions Bill clearly speak for themself .. and yes, they are appalling. Regarding the Juke Box .. Did you actually believe it would be so difficult for one to figure out the password? Need I say more Bill on this particular subject ? Is it necessary that we discuss this so called secret room? I think not, for photo's, words, music and letters all speak for themselves. As to your self appointed role of confidant, trusted friend, and unoffical spokesperson for Pepper and her family, again you are not only mistaken but very much out of order. Your letters to Pepper's friends in no way convey the true story .. they are a farse Bill, a figment of your imagination. Do you actually believe these letters carry any weight among her oldest and most trusted friends? If so may I suggest you think again ... for they do not. Your letters Bill serve only to have the opposite effect upon those who have known Pepper for so long and so well .. and yes Bill, to this very day remain in contact with her. These people are Pepper's friends .. all of whom she holds in very high regard for now and always. As for myself, your last letter as her confidant and most trusted friend not only made me laugh ... but feel nothing but sorrow for you. The truth of the matter is quite simple Bill .. I had spoken directly to Pepper and her daughter only hours before you contacted me. Hence my laughter.. my sorrow for you shortly followed for you had certainly managed to convience yourself of playing a role in Pepper's life, which to this very day has never nor will it ever exist. Granted Pepper is ill, she has been for some years, but she does not fall into the picture you so eagerly wish to portray. I'm sorry you yourself cannot accept or refuse to accept this fact for in reality you are only harming yourself. Those of us who truly know Pepper understand and appreciate the fact that although she may not contact us on a daily basis there are reasons for this, and yes Bill her reasons are very well known, accepted, but most of all respected. There is nothing you can say, or ever say for that matter, that will ever alter this fact. My only suggestion to you is that you step down from this shakey soapbox of yours and look unto yourself and manage your own life and not try to either live or manage the life of another. I rather think it would be to your best interest if you step down on your own accord rather than tumble down from it; for in time Bill you yourself will bring futher embarrasment upon yourself and thru your own actions. I will warn you Bill that niether myself, Pepper, or her family wish to hear from you again. You have shown yourself to be the type of person none of us wish to have contact with. Futhermore Bill, any and all future emails received from you will without a doubt be considered harrasement and will certainly be sent directly to the abuse desk at Webtv. Any and all telephone calls to Pepper's home will be delt with in a simular manner. I wish you no harm Bill, but by the same token I wish never to hear from you again. My exact feelings are shared by both Pepper and her family .. The only difference is I have their full permission to voice them. And yes Bill, a copy of this will most certainly be sent to Pepper .. and I shall be the one to forward it on. You see I for one have no wish to deceive or to portray myself as anything other than exactly what I am .. a friend to, and of Pepper's. Chris
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